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Aloneness
I Am Alone
and I suffer from it.
Loneliness is as ever-present as my shadow.
no matter how far I run, no matter how brightly I smile, no matter how well I hide,
my shadow is still here with me.
I cannot run from aloneness.
it is a part of my existence.
I don’t have to wander deep into the wilderness to be alone.
I don’t have to be far from those I love to feel alone.
I can feel alone the moment I say goodbye.
I can feel alone sitting in the company of family.
I can feel alone at the top of a mountain with nothing but the sound of wind for company.
loneliness is inescapable.
And It Hurts.
There are days, hours, weeks when the weight of my aloneness seems to crush me.
Times when there is an aching inside like my shadow has crept inside and brought its darkness on my heart.
The beautiful things I see
the beautiful moments I live
the beautiful memories I make
only remind me just how alone I am.
Beauty amplifies my sense of being alone.
And Yet I Still Smile.
I cannot run.
I cannot hide.
I cannot live without my shadow.
And therefore I make room for the pain.
I make room for the silence.
I make room for my loneliness.
I choose to walk alone to grow more comfortable with my shadow.
I choose to smile under the weight of beautiful things experienced alone to more deeply and truly appreciate beauty shared with those I love.
I choose to embrace my shadow because I know there is more joy in the light when I have smiled in the dark.
So, Yes, I Am Alone. But I Still Smile.
